black women friendships Uncategorized women


The Gladys Knight/ Patti LaBelle Verzuz Battle was in fact a historic night, an iconic night. It was one of the few battles that I actually watched live. It was worth every minute of my time because this was a night filled with two queens sharing their precious music with those of us who love it so dearly. Dubbed #AuntieChella, The Gladys/Patti battle also offered a night filled with precious moments in ways that only black women can provide. Sometimes funny, occasionally shady dipped in sweetness, but always loving, #AuntieChella allowed me to be a kid again. A chubby kid, with afro puff tied with ribbons made of yarn,  standing in the den with my mom and uncles as they danced and sang songs by the Pips, LaBelle, or even the Temptations. Back then, I  would absorb the humorous commentary offered specifically by my Uncle Billy who had a huge crush on Gladys because she was a thick, chocolate woman with full lips who could “sang!” For a brief moment, Gladys and Patti made me feel like my family was still the same. It was everything!  So as I watched and sang along, I made note of my favorite things about this battle that brought me joy and reminded me of why I loved #growingupblack.

1.) Patti checking herself out in the mirror while Gladys was singing.

2.) Gladys and Patti shouting out MLK’s granddaughter – “Did you see that baby?”

3.) The comment section on the screen – “Why do they have Ciroc? They need White Zinfandel!” “Pre-gaming for Gospel Brunch!” “This my shit!”

4.) Patti forgetting the words to her own songs – “Oh they went to that other part!” Black aunties don’t ever sing the words correctly, and I count myself as one of them.

5.) Gladys’s encouragement – “Sannngggg, girl!”

6.) Gladys and Patti saying whatever came to mind – “We love the gays. They’ve been good to us…and ain’t nobody less than!” “Monica and Brandy, now y’all go ‘head and work it out now. Fix it.” Black aunties have no filter!

7.) Gladys low key preaching-“Don’t y’all be out here killing each other. It ain’t your business anyway. HE can fix it!” Gladys knows Jesus. #preach

8.) Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys:  He’s gone, girl! I was making that pie for him. That Patti pie.

Patti: You took too long!

9.) Patti going off on the production crew – “Y’all better put my words up there. Come on now! Some of these songs are twenty years old, we can’t remember back that far. You do again and you gone get cut.” Again, Black Aunties have no filter!

10.) Patti announcing to the world that she has a FLIP PHONE. #thatisall 🤣

11.) Patti throwing shade at 45 – “We miss you Michelle and Barack!”#foreverFLOTUS #foreverPOTUS

12.) When Gladys stood up on “Neither One of Us.” I stood up too and threw up my church hand!

13.) Gladys singing “Love Overboard” reminded me of the episode on A Different Word and she performed the song with Whitley and Julissa. “SOSOSOS!”🌊🚢

14.) When Dionne Warwick showed up and they all sang, “That’s What Friends Are For.”😢

15.) Patti again with the political shade.

Gladys: Love changes things.

 Patti: You know what could change things…if everybody voted. 🗳

16.) Patti’s – gotta take off these shoes. I can’t walk, my feet hurt. Whew, girl!” And she took them off right then. Cue camera cut.


We needed this battle. On one night for a couple of hours, we made Sunday dinner with love, and homes were cleaned with care because this battle reminded us how we grew up. ❤️❤️❤️

This was one for the culture. I am going to watch it again. By far, this was the best Verzuz Battle ever! If you disagree, you weren’t raised right. I said what I said.

black women friendships relationships sisterhood Uncategorized

A Message to Molly

Molly, Molly, Molly! Child, what are you doing? I tried to root for you but this season you have made it extremely hard because you have definitely been on one. If this is what getting a man and being in a relationship does to you, stay single. I say that because since the beginning of the season and since you’ve been boo’d up with Andrew, you have been coming for Issa. It’s like Andrew gave you the courage to say the things you have always wanted to say.
Let me back up a bit. You have always been brutally honest with Issa. I don’t think you ever hid your discontent for her lack of motivation when she was with “We Got Y’all.” However, it was always clear that you wanted the best for her.
This season, though, your honesty has been tinted with an extra layer of cruelty. It’s been hard to watch. Your brutal honesty has been an excuse just to be mean and you fully mastered that. Is Andrew the catalyst for you revealing all of the things that you have always felt about Issa-she’s a user and a drama queen? Which begs the question, “Were you ever really Issa’s friend?’”
Honestly, all of your fan-friends ( we are part of the friend group too) are judging you. You seem to be the friend in the group who is only happy as long as you are on top. As soon as someone else starts to glow-up, even just a little bit, that green-eyed devil starts to rear its ugly head. You start making it a point to highlight every personal flaw you’ve ever noticed. Why? To keep it real. That’s not honesty, sis. That’s just jealousy and you should be a better friend than that.
Don’t get me wrong, Issa has been throwing slugs at you too. She certainly has her issues. However, as the last episode was so aptly named, she was at least “Lowkey Trying.”
I was so glad when you decided to go to therapy, but the crucial thing about therapy….listening to the therapist. I felt like your therapist was trying to get you to own your shit. If she’s wasn’t, then we, your fan-friends, definitely wanted you to own it. And so was Issa. She just wanted you to take the initiative to own your shit, be honest, and make things right. We all did! We wanted you to at least admit that you were wrong for charging that girl up at her block party. Your behavior was petty and, if not vindictive, certainly passive-aggressive. Admit it, apologize for it, and MEAN IT!
Some people naturally extend olive branches. We are just olive branch people. Olive-branchers if you will. Olive-branchers love our friends so we overlook a lot while constantly giving grace. You are giver too. Yet, you give material things, and giving grace is about being vulnerable. It is about meeting the other person half-way, and forgiving even when it isn’t deserved.
Issa wanted to know that you valued her enough to admit that you were wrong for your part. She wanted to know that she mattered enough to you for you to reach out first. Sometimes we, olive-branchers, just want to hear you say, “I’m sorry.” It means you care. And if you couldn’t do that, if you wouldn’t accept responsibility for hurting your friend with your words and try to make the relationship work, were you ever truly really her friend anyway? That was hard for her to digest.
And when we, fan-friends and Issa, realized that you weren’t willing to do that, we were hurt. Losing a friend is hurtful. It’s like getting a divorce- you have to tell people you broke up, split friends up, delete phone numbers, remove pics on Facebook and Instagram, etc. It’s too much!
The one thing I learned appreciate about you, Molly, was that your cut-off game. You were committed to not apologizing for the shit you meant to say. But, wasn’t that the sad part? You felt that your best friend was a “using ass bitch,” and your pride wouldn’t allow you to give in even a little bit.
Molly, you have been the common denominator-issues with Dro, your dad, Issa, and your co-workers. Stop, look in the mirror, and check yourself. Like they used to say back in the day, “Sweep around your own front door.”
So, on behalf of Issa and all of the fan-friends around the world, I am asking you, begging you, to get your shit together. Go back to your friend and work this shit out because if you don’t, we are all gonna be “Lowkey disappointed.”


A Concerned Fan-Friend

Black movies movies Netflix Romantic Comedies Uncategorized

Ratchet Review: The Lovebirds

The Lovebirds with Issa Rae and Kumail Nanjiani is an enjoyable movie, and I think you should watch it. Why? It’s cute, quirky, and multicultural.

Meet Leilani and Jibran, a bi-racial couple in New Orleans that fall in love and seem destined to be together, like they are seriously cute together. Her deep, dark brown skin and his bearded, deep-olive complexion are the perfect compliment to each other. You can’t help but say, “Awww,” when you first see them on screen, and in the opening scenes, their origin romance-story catches your attention and makes you root for their love. Fast forward about two minutes into the movie and four years into the relationship, they are arguing like two opponents in the movie The Great Debaters. Their love becomes really sad, really quickly. The main source of the argument — whether they should compete in the Amazing Race? Clearly not, because their communication at this point is trash. On the car ride to their friends’ house for a party, Jibran admits, “I don’t want to be with someone who is shallow,” and Leilani concedes, “I don’t want to be with someone who is okay with being a failure.” Jibran verbalizes the elephant in the room, “Are we done?” Leilani confirms, “I think we have been done for a while.”

Jibran looks at her, but before he could say anything…BLAM! He suddenly rams into a man on a bicycle! OMG! They get out of the car to help Bicycle, as they eventually refer to him, but he hops up, gets on his bike, like Lance Armstrong after his last steroid shot. They are clearly in shock, but things get even more complicated when a guy with the thickest mustache runs up and exclaims, “I need your car! I’m a cop!” They jump in the car to chase Bicycle, and Mustache runs him down and then smashes him with the car. Not only does he smash him, he runs over him, backs up over him, puts the car in drive, and runs over him again. He does it a couple of times as Leilani and Jibran realize, “Oh shit! This is probably not a cop.”

Mustache jumps out of the car to make sure that Bicycle is dead. Mustache looks up realizing he has two witnesses to his murder, pulls out his gun, and is prepared to unleash a couple of hot ones until he hears police sirens, so he takes out running instead. As Leilani and Jibran get out of the car, another couple walks up, sees the dead body, makes the very reasonable assumption that they murdered the guy, and call 911. Realizing how stupid they sound trying to explain what really happened, Leilani and Jibran make a run for it as well and what follows is an hour and a half of comical hijinks as they try to solve the crime and clear their names of a murder.

The Lovebirds is an unusual mix of a rom-com infused with the comedic timing of I Love Lucy and the crassness of The Hangover. Its strength is its awkwardness and nerdiness. Although there aren’t a lot of moments with side-splitting humor, this is definitely a movie that will make you laugh-out-loud. What I liked most about the movie is that this is the love story of an African-American woman with a Muslim-American man set in one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world. I found this to be intriguing. I thought it would have been great if the writers had explored the challenges of their relationship more deeply, but that’s not this type of movie. They were just two people who were in love but grew apart. They can’t even agree on competing in a reality series, never mind solving a murder together, but if they want to stay out of jail, guess what? They have to get along, but they end up arguing and annoying the hell out of the villains who are trying to take them out (because Mustache is involved with powerful, nasty, and evil people) and failing to attempt to shut them up. This somehow turns into hilarious opportunities for them to escape. It’s FUN!

So, if you have already binge-watched Tiger King and 90-Day Fiancé, give The Lovebirds a try. As a people, it is time to expand our movie watching palates, and this movie is the perfect chance to get you started. Use it as an opportunity to Netflix and chill. Talk it over with “Bae” to see if you like it. Let me know what you guys think.

P.S. The intro and outro song was fire! Find Someone Like You by Snoh Aalegra. Downloading tonight!


EBH’s Favorite Love Songs!!❤️💗🖤❤️💗

February… the month of love and Black History, so it’s all love, right? Right! If you are like me, you are feeling all the feels. I am surrounded by love. From the new OWN series Cherish the Day to the Issa Rae/Lakeith Stanfield movie, The Photograph, it is quite obvious that Black Cupid is busy making house calls.

For a minute, I felt a bit left out of the celebrations because, you know, I didn’t cuff anybody during cuffing season. But thank God I simply said, “Fuck it! You don’t have to be in love to celebrate love.” So I am going to ride this love-wave and add my contribution to the February love fest and offer the best love songs to listen to if I had a boo! Hey, it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead.  These are not listed in order, but I can tell you that the first song is my favorite and when I turn 80 and finally get married, I want it played  at my wedding. 🤣

So here goes:

1.) Love Ballad by Jeffrey Osborne and L.T.D.- This is the ultimate “I got you, boo,” song.

2.) A Long Walk by Jill Scott-What’s better than two friends walking, talking, and elevating one another.

3.) I Tried by Anthony Hamilton-Trying to hold onto to someone that doesn’t want to be held will let you know how deeply you feel for someone.

4.) Me, Myself, and I by Beyonce-Yes, Bey made the list…barely🙄. After God, self-love is the most important, and sometimes you have to be your own best friend before you can be a friend to any one else.

5.) I Feel for You by Chaka Khan-I mean come on! It’s Chaka! If you love someone and don’t have the words, just put this song on. I promise you it will say everything you can’t.

6.) Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar-Well…because it is.

7.) Wait for Love by Luther Vandross-Lord have mercy, Luther!! We miss you on earth!

8.) A House Is Not a Home by Luther Vandross-He expresses the joys and pains of love so vividly.

9.) Joy and Pain by Frankie Beverly and Maze- Love is like sunshine and rain, sometimes it good and sometimes it sucks. LOL!!

10.) I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt-Love is knowing when it’s time to move on.

11.) Shape of My Heart by Sting-Listen! This isn’t even a love song. It’s a song about a gambler trying to figure shit out. Yet, the guitar and the tone and the vocals…OMG…just makes you want to be in love!

12.) Float by Anthony Hamilton-Charlene and Comin’ From Where I’m From get a lot of love, but this is my absolute favorite song. I can’t even explain it. Just give it a listen! With a little wine and great food, I promise, you will be winning.

13.) Insatiable by Prince-What’s a list of love songs without at least one song by Prince? When you are first in love, you just can’t get enough of each other. Yep, Prince knew it too.

14.). Giving You the Best That I Got by Anita Baker-I could put Anita’s whole catalog on here! She’s just real with it. I chose this song because my high school boo introduced me to Anita with this one. He’s another story for another day. 🤦🏽‍♀️

15. Saving All My Love by Whitney Houston-Again, let’s just put the whole catalog on here! Whitney tell Luther hello in Heaven.

16. Red Light Special by TLC-This is their best song. We can argue!

17.) If Only You Knew by Patti LaBelle-Because it’s makes you throw up your “back in the day” hand whenever it comes in! YASSS, Patti!

I could go on and on. I’m leaving off so many-MJB, Toni Braxton, Babyface (he knows how to woo the ladies), and so many more. I’ll stop here because I’m in a rush to get to the movies and have Galentines with my homegirls.

If you are in love, growing in love, or want to be in love, use these songs to set the mood. Let me know what you think. If you are bae-deficient, don’t fret. Your time will come, and until then, listen for fun so you will be ready when he or she shows up!😘❤️








black women health and wellness Uncategorized

Lysol Is My Superpower: Rules for Cold and Flu Season!

In honor of cold and flu season, I need some of y’all to know that Lysol is my superpower and I will use it on you!

First of all, I love y’all but do the world a favor and stay home. I know “The Man” got us out here thinking that it is shameful to call in sick. I tell you that it is a lie from the pit of hell! Use your PTO or sick days accordingly. It’s your time to take care of yourself. Instead of coming into the office coughing and sneezing all over your co-workers, use your time to stay in bed to heal! Because guess what? If you get near me with you phlegmy self, I will spray you.

Second, it’s just allergies or it’s just sinus is not a chance you should take when communing in the general public. What you think is an allergy or a sinus infection could very well be a cold, and your self-diagnosis has the potential to infect hundreds of people. Have you not seen Outbreak?! Bruh, hit that hand sanitizer before you touch that door handle.

Last but not least, when I ask you, ” Are you sick,” and you respond, “Yes, but I took Alka-seltzer,” or whatever over-the-counter cold and flu medicine you think might work…that does not appease me. Medicine that relieves your symptoms does not inoculate me! So, don’t be offended when I break out this Lysol can and wipe down everything in your vicinity. I’ll spray you like a hazmat worker at the airport!

Look, I’m getting old. In my younger days, I could bounce back from a cold in like 2-3 days. Now, 2-3 weeks. Walking pneumonia is real and the flu virus gets stronger every year. It’s not fair for you to subject us to your germs especially if you share an office or a cubicle–I didn’t choose my office space, but surely you can choose to stay home.

And, my beautiful black moms, that includes your cute kiddos too. I know back in the day our moms were like, “You ain’t got no fever? Take your ass to school.” I get it. However, our moms were made from sterner stuff. Besides, they didn’t live in such a global society as we do. It’s better to be safe than to have to shut down the whole school for an entire week because you think Devante (or Dianne) is lying. I know you remember swine flu? Come on now, you know your kids and you if he or she is faking. If they have the sniffles, let them stay home for the good of other students AND THEIR TEACHERS. There are not too many things a teacher hates more than a snotty nose kid trying to hand in homework. I won’t touch it,  “Place your paper in the basket (in my Hannibal Lecter voice). Now, hit that hand sanitizer and then I’m spraying you and the paper.”

It’s not worth us losing friendship because you feel some type of way about me spraying you. It’s not worth the awkward stares I give you when you walk through the copy room coughing. It’s not worth me getting a write up because I told the class that your kid “got that shit.” It’s not worth me being on my bed of affliction because I was too nice to tell you,  “Stay the F away from me. I don’t want your germs!” It’s just not worth it.

So…just do us all a favor and stay home. 😞😷

black women family Holidays Thanksgiving Uncategorized

10 things I’m looking forward to this Thanksgiving

1.) #thanksgivingwithblackfamilies memes-We’ve seen them “fiftyleven” times by now; however, they are still a source of comical entertainment. All 8,972 of them are pretty accurate!

2.) Turkey Trot! 🦃 🏃🏾‍♀️ -This is year 7 for me. And, no, I’m not looking for to getting up early on a chilly Texas morning, on day I should be sleeping late, to walk 3.1 miles with 10,000 people I don’t know. Not my idea of fun especially since I didn’t even train for this bad boy. I am, however, looking forward to guilt free eating. So when someone comments about me eating my 2nd piece of pie, I can respond with a straight face, “I did the Turkey Trot.” *drops🎤 😬

3.) Sweet Potato Pie, Dressing, and corn-Does this even need an explanation? 🤷🏽‍♀️ In essence, I love CARBS and all things sweet. Glory to God!

4.)The after dinner nap-There’s just something about that “holiday-itis” that’s quite refreshing. It just seems like at some point the whole house gets quiet…until it’s time to eat again. Then we are back talking loud and cracking jokes.

5.) Making my Uncle Marvin a plate. -He’s my uncle in the back room. He gets on my mama’s nerves. But, that is her brother dammit and she’s going to make sure he eats even though she will throw shade at him for 15 minutes on the ride home. It tickles me! 🤣

6.) Having all four sisters at the same time-Normally, at least one of my sisters is working on Thanksgiving. This year she is off. It’s just nice to know we will be in one place, at one time.

7.) Hollywood- That’s the name some of my friends call my 3rd oldest sister because of her fashion choices. She’s supadupa flyyy! Holidays are even better. She comes all the way thru!

My Sister…

Same sister…


8.) Happy Thanksgiving group texts- After the 10th notification it really does get annoying. Honestly though, it’s still nice to know that people think about you. 😘

9.) Dranks. Yes, DRANKS!!- In his his previous life my nephew must have been a bartender. If the itis don’t get us, his DRANKS surely will. And Hollywood, she’s a real one. No one can hang! Bring it on! 🍷 🍹 🍸 😴

10.) Getting ready for Christmas- come on now. We all know Thanksgiving is just pre-gaming time for Christmas! They don’t even hardly recognize it in the stores. We go from Halloween straight to Christmas. There are no Thanksgiving movies or Thanksgiving songs. We are all just trying to get past Thanksgiving to get to Christmas. Commercialism aside, isn’t Christmas the big deal anyway? Baby Jesus is the reason for the season. I think Thanksgiving gets a bad rap though. They should really flip it and put it after Jesus’s birthday. Maybe then the holiday will get more respect. Anyway, I’m looking forward to my tree, all of the Christmas songs, Black Christmas movies, and more cakes and pies! Thanksgiving/Christmas Pre-game is gone be LIT!!

P.S. Don’t post your dinner, if you know you can’t cook. We all know your food is nasty. Call DoorDash or UberEats. Your family will thank you. 🤗

African American Sports black women football sports Uncategorized

Myles Garrett’s suspension is a classic example of racist consequences and White privilege

If you know me, then you know I’m a Steelers fan. I’ve been a fan since I was a little girl when I watched football games with my mom. She was a Steelers fan, so I became a fan.
Being a fan, I know there are certain games that are going to be a street fight: Steelers vs. Bengals, Steelers vs. Ravens, and Steelers vs. Browns. Thursday night’s game (Nov. 14, 2019) against the Browns was no different. From the kickoff, it was a slugfest — hits-to-the-helmet, trash-talking, players locked in battle. It was no shock that we were getting our asses kicked because we were in Browns territory. We were down 14-0 at halftime, and we were struggling to convert on 3rd down. It didn’t look good. So I stopped watching, plus I was watching at a bowling alley. So, I went home. I just couldn’t watch anymore, I hate losing.

So, I wasn’t even shocked when my sorority sister texted me around 10:30pm and told me our Quarterback and O-Line were duking it out during the last 10 seconds of the game. It’s what our teams do when they play each other, but being curious, I went to YouTube (you can find just about anything on YouTube). Sure enough, someone had posted a 5 minute video of the entire brawl complete with replays and slow motion.

What was clear to me was that Mason Rudolph, our quarterback, started it. Myles Garrett breaks through our line and wraps Rudolph right on up and begins to take him down handily with a nice, clean tackle. Rudolph seems to flip Garrett around in a crazy wrestling move, but Garrett ends up on top anyway. It’s during this moment you can clearly see Rudolph try to take off Garrett’s helmet. What happens next will be talked about for years (well in the social media era for the next 24 hours). As Steeler lineman David DeCastro comes up to separate the two, Garrett snatched off Rudolph’s helmet. Rudolph is still in his face and appears to be talking a truckload of shit when Garrett clocks him with his own helmet as if to say, “BITCHHHHH! You got me fucked up!” At this point, Rudolph throws up his hands in the classic, “I’m innocent! Come on!” fashion. Anyone can see the suspensions coming against Rudolph, Garrett, Maurkice Pouncey who kicked Garrett in the head, and Larry Ogunjobi who pushed Mason down to which he replied, “Bitch!”

And sure enough, the NFL swiftly issued suspensions today! For Garrett, Pouncey, and Ogunjobi. But Mason Rudolph…crickets.

Here is where I’m bothered: Pouncey got a three-game suspension; Browns’ Ogunjobi got a one-game suspension, and Myles Garrett is suspended indefinitely — all without pay. I’m trying to figure out how Rudolph escaped this situation unscathed. Not one game. Not one fine. Racism and white privilege is how.

Garrett, Pouncey, and Ogunjobi are ALL men of color; Mason Rudolph is white. The nature of the assault gives the NFL an excuse to punish the three men of color and do absolutely nothing to Rudolph. Is it ok that Rudolph only tried to pull off Garrett’s helmet and didn’t actually do it? Is Garrett’s brain less important because he’s a defensive end and not a quarterback? No. It’s just easier for the NFL to bypass Rudolph’s transgressions because he’s a white male.

Even still, Rudolph refers to Garrett as a coward in a later. Only your privilege (and cowardice) would allow you to think it’s okay to attack someone and not expect them to retaliate. Like I tell my kids in high school, “You get to make the choices, but that doesn’t mean you get to choose the consequences.” Mason Rudolph, for whatever reason, chose to grab and try to take off Myles Garrett’s helmet. He doesn’t get to choose how Garrett responds. Garrett chose to whoop his ass…with said helmet.

I’m sure there are many football experts out there who will defend Rudolph and the NFL’s actions. I’m not a football expert. I love the game, even when it gets violent. However, to continue to ignore this type of blatant unfairness in punishment is foolish and unfair.

Black folks are tired — tired of ignoring the obvious. We can see it, and so can you, even in a game as minor and as frivolous as football. If black people have to fight these inequities in an entertaining game of sport, just imagine how hard real life must be.

P.S. As a fan, we look like some straight up B’s for starting a fight because we lost. Thanks, Mason. #notagoodlook👎🏾


Ratchet Review: Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams

I hated this book. Not because it wasn’t well-written, it was. Not because the plot wasn’t well-developed, it was. Not because the characters weren’t interesting, they were. I hated this book because I hated the main character, Queenie. She vexed my spirit.

I should have known that Queenie would give me the blues when in the first chapter she literally has had a miscarriage and didn’t know it. Her white boyfriend puts her out of the apartment they share and basically ghosts her, and from there she goes on a series of bad dates where her promiscuous behavior sends her into a mental health crisis. To keep it simple, Queenie is a mess!

She likes her job as a journalist at British blog/magazine and wants to do well at it. However, she is always late, takes extended tea breaks, sleeps with one of her co-workers, and leaves in the middle of the day to get tested for STDs. She has rough sex with her neighbor in the car and random guys on online dating sites, all the while texting her ex-boyfriend, Tom, waiting for him to take her back when it’s clear to everyone, but Queenie that Tom has decidely moved on.

After a series of bad circumstances including the loss of one of her best friends and a very bad panic attack at work Queenie is forced to confront the fact that she needs serious help.

I was supposed to read and discuss this book with my niece, Ashlyn, who quit on me after about chapter three. I had to forge ahead. I didn’t understand why Queenie didn’t seek therapy after the unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage. I didn’t understand why she didn’t sshe didn’t tell Tom about the pregancy and seek therapy, not that they needed to stay together, it was evident that the relationship was toxic by the racist treatment of Tom’s family toward Queenie which he never checked because he didn’t see anytthhing wrong with what they were doing and saying. “Why is she with this dude,” I would scream in my head. Maybe racism is handled differently in Great Britain. I’m not sure, but every man she dated, and they were all white or non-black, had some type of racist black girl fetish and they have sex with her and then say racist shit to her right before they left.  I just couldn’t fathom why she would constantly subject herself to such horrible treatment.

aging black women dating Uncategorized

The Old and the Matchless!

I have learned to be pretty content in my singleness, but truth be told, every now and again a sister just wants a little bit of companionship. A friend to call and laugh with, catch a movie with, eat a meal with. And I mean a male friend. I love my homegirls, but they don’t replace that masculine energy, perspective, or presence. So, I decided to give online dating a try…another try…because I have tried it before and I just couldn’t! I think that I have ADHD when it comes to giving relationships the attention it requires for them to be successful.

Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingle, Eharmony, and Match. They were all EPIC FAILURES.  And to be honest, I failed because I just didn’t put in the work necessary for me to be successful. Yet, you can’t succeed without failing. I had failed before. I wanted to see if this time would be different. This time I would TRULY have an open mind. This time I would be proactive. This time I would give it a strong effort without any expectations and see what the results would be. This time.

Babyyyy…let me tell you…I think I have been out of the game too long! What the heck is going on in these online streets?!

First off, I think I am too old. I was trained a bit different. I’m kind of old school, you know? Old school in the sense that if I ask you to go slow, you will respect my wishes and go SLOW. But not these dudes. “Sir, can we text first? Online dating is a bit scary and I would prefer to take my time.” A simple request, right? I think the guy responded, “Well, what’s the difference between talking to someone online and meeting someone in person?” Uhhh…I’m sorry. The difference is that I asked you to. BLOCK. I ain’t got time.

Next, there was…hmmm…let’s call him #youngbae. His intro. “Hey, pretty lady. You look familiar.” Me, “I was probably your teacher, you look pretty young, but your profile says you are 41.” “Oh that’s a mistake, I am really 28. Do you date younger? My ex was 49.” “I do, but not that young. I would feel like a pedophile. Besides that, you lied about your age.” He BLOCKED me! I deserved it. LOL!

I have been on this site for a while now. It has been interesting. There are a few things that I have discovered.

1.) I am old. Do you know how I made this discovery? My matches are old. I promise all of them remind me of my uncles. I get mad. “Why is this 55-year-old man liking my pic?” Then I remember, “Heifer, you are 47!” Yeah, but I don’t feel 47, and I don’t look 47. I don’t live 47! But this dude in these alligator shoes, now he looks old. I’m not old! Is this what dating is like in your 40’s?

2.) Old dudes want to talk right away. If they send you a message and you respond, they immediately want your number. “Whoa!! Slow down, buddy.” That is too much for me. As a purveyor of Lifetime movies, I am well aware of the risks of online relationships. Really all relationships. Let me take my time with exchanging personal info, please and thanks.

3.) Old dudes inherently want real relationships. I don’t know how many profiles that I read that say, “Looking for that special someone. Looking for that special lady in my life, etc… Trying to find my wife. Here for my helpmeet.” That’s great, if that is what you are looking for. But uhhhh…I just want to go out on a date or two and make friends. Then I remember again, you are 47 and not 27, and it’s highly probable that men at this stage of life are looking to settle down. However, relationships mean responsibilities. I don’t have room in my life for that. Company and friendship. That’s it. And I mean that literally.

4.) I just need people to teach their PawPaws how to take a profile pic. Stop taking pics with the Bluetooth in your ear. Please, please, please take a pic WITHOUT your sunglasses. I think two things: you are cross-eyed or high. If I see another pic of anyone sitting in the casino, I will scream! I promise. Finally, have at least one full-body pic. If you are a bit rotund, or a bit gangly, be proud! We all have things we are working on. I am no different. But be real about who and what you are. The right person will want to see and get to know the real you! Oh I forgot, please tell PawPaw the purple easter suit and gators…ummm might not be a crowd-pleaser, but then again it might. Just not for me.

5.) Be careful with your usernames. If you are serious about dating and picking a mate, then you need to pick a name that gives a good impression. That is one of the first things that people learn about you online. What you think is funny, might translate to creepy, rude, immature, or just plain dumb. I will swipe left because of it. @dwn4whateva just isn’t a good look for a 50-year-old male looking for his special lady in his life. IJS.

6.) What’s worse than the Bluetooth pic is the tank top/Bluetooth combo. And, it doesn’t matter what color in a tank top is just a big no-no. Unless, of course, you are built like Idris, the Rock, or Thor (Chris Hemsworth). Listen, it is ok if you have Dad-bod. We know you do. We are not young anymore. Heck, I have mom-bod and I don’t have not one damn kid! Just present your dad-bod in the best way possible. And I’m sorry, bruh! A dingy white t-shirt and a Bluetooth dangling from your ear, or neck, are not it. Your grandkids probably warned you. Listen to them! And the Bluetooth is just extra. Stop it.

7.) You must have a healthy dose of self-esteem. Dudes will literally ghost you or hide their profiles from you for no reason. A few years ago, I would have been in my feelings, judge myself as unattractive, or I might wonder what I said wrong, but now I celebrate just a little. At least dudes aren’t wasting my time. It is actually very freeing to realize some people just aren’t interested. In return, I realized I could be the same way. I don’t have to like or communicate with a man just because he likes or talks to me. Thus, the reason for my last two horrible situationships. There was one guy who just came across as an asshole to me. He wasn’t rude or anything. Just a contrarian. Everything was a debate or he had to be devil’s advocate. I realized I really didn’t like him. But he had a great profile (he looked great on paper) and I was like why not just keep talking to him for practice. I shared my experience with this dude with a Soror and she gave me some good advice, “Uh uh! Don’t do that! That’s how you end up in bad relationships. Eventually, he will grow on you and you’ll be like, ‘Well, he is kinda nice. Naw, girl! cut him loose.” And she was right. I was wasting the brothers time when he could focus on someone who really liked him.

8.) It’s harder than you think to just get a date. Part of it’s me. Part of it’s them. Niggas don’t ask and I don’t want to go (like I really want to go on dates, but then I really don’t). I know you all are thinking that this is totally my fault. I can read your minds, “Sis! You are too picky! Stop shooting dudes down before they have a chance.” Lies! I really am open to going out, but guys just don’t ask. I really think they don’t want to waste money on women that aren’t serious potential. I get that. Going out can get expensive. But can we meet up for coffee or ice cream? Can we go dutch? Can we meet for a workout or a run? All very inexpensive or free. At least in the beginning. Men make time and spend money on the things and people they want. So, I can only conclude that they just aren’t that serious about this, just like me. Maybe next year I will ask them out! All they can do is say no, and I am ok with that too.

9.) I learn more about myself than them—1.) I’m a job snob-in this season of my life, entry-level positions just aren’t attractive. Potential has a different look at 45 than it did when I was 25. I’m all for having dreams, but what are you doing or have you been doing to work towards those dreams. At my age, it is time to move from potential to purpose. Even if you have a full-time job, what are you called to do and are you working to fulfill that calling? And FYI, everybody ain’t called to preach (insert eye-roll). 2.) I don’t know what I want-I know more of what I don’t want. Sad but true. There’s not too much else to say about that other than I need to figure that shit out. 3.) I’m judgmental-I’m sure by this post you could already tell that. Well…it was eyeopening to me! LOL! I’ll work on it. 4.) I’m low-key ADHD-if your profile description is more than a paragraph, you lost me, bruh. I read books, not profiles; get to the point. 

I’m not really proud of these things

10.) This is actually quite fun! When I’m bored, I start swiping and I get a good laugh! The best part of this process has been sharing the fun with my friends Sonia and her sister Kiphani, who bullied us both into doing this foolishness. The group texts, screenshots, and comparative line-ups offer good laughs and fellowship. Who better to help you through an awkward dating phase than people you have known for more than 20 years. I also send them to my sisters and nieces who weigh-in on the selections. Their commentary can be comical. I send pics to my homeboys too who often say, “Give the dude a chance. You are being too hard!” Sharing the experience with family and friends reaffirms the idea that just because I’m almost 50 doesn’t mean my life is over. Love is still possible. It is still beautiful. Under the right circumstances, it should still be celebrated when it happens. Next up, our drunk swipe party. I can’t wait! I’m sure looking at profiles while slightly inebriated will be quite the experience. I’ll be sure to report back. After that, maybe I will get more serious about this process. Until then, why not have some fun.

11.) Men can be just as picky as women. Most of the time, their selectivity (is that a word) is related to physical appearance: “I like slender women. If you don’t meet this standard, please keep scrolling.” Or, “I like full-figured women! Looks like you fit the bill!” Really, dude? But the best one so far has been, “I am really looking for a woman with A-1 credit. No disrespect, but we all have our preferences.” I started to keep scrolling because you know that season in 2006 when I just stopped paying my bills and my student loans, but he hit me up in my inbox. He was cute so I said to myself, “Well, my credit isn’t A-1, but it’s decent.” I hit him back. When I tell you dude hid his profile! What the hell? Is this app giving credit scores? Or, did the Holy Spirit whisper, “She is not a good steward of her money, but she is working on it, bruh!” I couldn’t even be mad. Saved us an argument later in life. I was amused and at the same time validated. It is ok to ask for what you want in a mate. Closed mouths don’t get fed.

Last but not least…

12.) For all of my friends that dated a dude named Marquise or Demontae and they were f*ckboys  you put a bad taste in my mouth! They get automatic blocks.

I know I seem crazy and hard to please. I’m not. Am I set in my ways as my homies like to claim? Maybe. I just know that I have a good life. Dating is just another dimension to that life. It is not my whole existence. I am doing this because I want to, not because I have to. I want to learn about me. To see that I am brave enough and courageous enough to face any challenge, including a man…all except the PawPaws. I can’t do PawPaw. I’ll give Marquise or Demontae a chance before PawPaw.

Any who…I’ll keep you all posted with my online dating escapades. Until then, I am still old and matchless. And if by chance I am still single in 5, 10, 20 years don’t judge me. I’m probably doing some poor schmuck a favor. They don’t want to deal with the foolishness that is me.

P.S. This post is for entertainment purposes only. I am really laughing at myself and how absurd I am…but it is my real life. In the words of Kevin Hart, “Laugh at my pain.” LOL!!

black women Health and wellmess Uncategorized weightloss women

Yassss, Queen! Meet Tara Jackson McDow: Conquering Weight Loss 1bs At A Time!

Here’s the thing, I’m always sharing my story but so many of my friends have such amazing stories to share that I thought, “Hey! I can spotlight my friends!”

As many of you know, I meal prep and I workout. I get lots of messages encouraging me to keep pushing and posting because what I’ve been sharing has encouraged a few. What you guys don’t know is that so many of you inspire me more than I inspire you!

One of my inspirations is my Big Sister/Soror Tara Jackson McDow. Her weight loss journey is definitely one that needs to be shared, but because she is shy I am highjacking her story and telling it for her! Lol!!

Last month after we returned from our sorority convention she texted me and shared her story as to how she started losing weight. I won’t share the details because that’s for her to do. I will say that after season of grief she found herself using food as a way to cope with her emotions. She decided it was time for a change, and she has lost 37 lbs in 4 months!

I was impressed! “How did you do it?” Her success has been a team effort. Tara’s husband supports her by grilling her meat on Sunday. Along with her grilled meat and vegetables, she limits carbs and sugars. That’s it. No magic wand.

In addition, she walks everyday. We follow each other on our Apple watches and I get the alerts! I see it and it motivates me to move too.

One thing she has reinforced with me is CONSISTENCY! When we were in New Orleans at Cafe DuMonde, I think she was the only soror who turned down a beignet. I, however ate two! Plus, a cup of hot chocolate. 😬

I am so proud of her! I wanted to spotlight Tara because she deserves to be celebrated for her HARD WORK and DEDICATION!!

Congratulations, Tara! Keep up the good work!