Black Men Don’t Cheat…Unless you Get Fat?

A couple of days have passed since The Shade Room or TMZ dropped the news Nicole Murphy was seen kissing Lela Rochon’s husband, Antoine Fuqua. I was tempted to let it pass without giving my two cents on it, but I just can’t.

I guess I want to start by saying that really this whole situation is none of our business, but we have become a culture of people that love salacious news. What could be juicier than the used to be Eddie Murphy Vixen (Rochon) getting played by husband with Murphy’s used to be wife (Murphy)? Whew, Chile! Folks’ comment sections were lit! “Is it really Fuqua?” “Nicole Murphy is fine. Is she really 50?” “Damn! He is fine. That kiss ain’t friendly.”  I mean this little tryst caused quite a commotion.  I was a bit amused until I started reading comments that blamed Lela Rochon for her husband’s alleged indiscretion. “She let herself go.” “She used to be fine. Now look at her.” “Ladies, if you want to keep your man, you have to keep yourself together.” “Look how much weight she’s gained. No wonder!” These comments didn’t just come from men,  but the women were attacking her too! I was shocked. And disgusted. And disappointed. I was also hurt. I hurt for Lela. Not only is she facing the embarrassment and humiliation of the WORLD knowing that her husband possibly cheated on her, but she also has to endure the shame of people blaming her for his adultery because she got fat. And FYI, Hollywood fat is not the same as regular people fat, so she’s probably still fine!

Really, world? This what we doing now? I don’t know everything about relationships, but I do know this-whenever someone cheats, it is NEVER the other person’s fault. Nope. Not at all. Not even the person he or she was cheating with.

When do we hold the cheater accountable for being a trash individual? Relationships are about making a commitment, and in a marriage, a covenant commitment. A commitment that says, “No matter what I choose YOU.” Times get hard and people change; however, for better or worse includes weight gain…or loss. Didn’t we learn our lesson about holding men accountable for their actions from Molly and Dro? (But y’all mad at Molly)

The fact that Lela’s weight and appearance are mentioned at all in this situation is problematic. What if the situation were reversed. He gained weight because of an unknown back injury that limits his activity, and Lela decided to step out on him with Dwayne Johnson? Would we blame him for letting himself go and celebrate Lela for keeping her body in shape and snagging a hunk of a fella like The Rock? No, we wouldn’t. The world would call her all kinds of names that do not include the one her mama gave her.

I’m not even mad at Nicole or women like her. I will not side-chick shame. I can only blame the person who made the commitment. In this situation, Antoine Fuqua. He’s married; and, if he stepped out on his wife then he’s the only person that should be ashamed of himself. Married with kids!! I just don’t understand the concept of putting your family at risk. But men do. Women do… people do. It’s sad.

Maybe I expect too much.

Bottom line, let’s stop adultery-shaming people (Yes, I made that up and side-chick shaming too) and blaming them for the indiscretions of their spouses. I don’t care if it’s weight-gain, unemployment, no ego-stroking, whatever. It is not their fault! You can only look at the person who decided, “I want that more than I want this!” But people aren’t shoes. They can’t be taken off and replaced with a new pair without significant consequences. If I were Lela, and if it’s true that her husband cheated, I would call Juanita Jordan’s divorce attorney, and then hire the best celebrity personal trainer in Hollywood with that large settlement that I just got from my now ex-husband. I would get my body back into that outfit from Boomerang, or the one from Harlem Nights that caused old boy to leave his wife. Most importantly, I’d make it a point to go holler at one of Antoine’s single homeboys and then flaunt in his face. Take that, Cheater! I’m just petty like that.

But I’m not Lela. I’m just a girl with an opinion that people shouldn’t be made to feel bad because they have gained a few pounds as if that is an excuse to dishonor your vows. I am of the opinion that Antoine Fuqua and men like him use weight as an excuse to do trash things and hurt their families because not only will Lela suffer, but so will their children even if they are grown. All I can do is think, “How can we hold this dude, and others like him, accountable for being an asshole?” This is when I boycott. No more Antoine Fuqua directed movies for me. Matter of fact, I am boycotting Black Lightning too because Salim Akil needs the side-eye for that alleged 10-year relationship he had on Mara…and she was FINE!

All I know is that last year, y’all were shouting,” Black men don’t cheat!” I guess they don’t until you gain weight. Sad.

P.S. I really want to roast Nicole Murphy too because what has she really done for the culture besides hookup with rich men? At least Lela Rochon is a cultural icon…”Gold star for Marcus!” IJS. 🤷🏽‍♀️

2 thoughts on “Black Men Don’t Cheat…Unless you Get Fat?”

  1. First off people you must learn the whole story and not jump to conclusions and just beat up on the guy because he made what seems to be a mistake. Or is it? It’s 2019 and I’m a young men in his 40’s so some of the things that go on now in society shocks me a little bit. I’m still trying to adjust to things that seem disturbing but yet acceptable. Things like open marriages, pansexuals and polyamerist (excuse the spelling if that’s not correct) So again find out the whole story because the easy thing to say is he cheated because she got fat but the truth if the story is, that is not why most men cheat. There are a lot of skinny ass women out there that cheat and get cheated on. Because if a man is into his woman it doesn’t matter how big she is because he is going to love her regardless. Growing up I always looked at this phenomenon of fat women with skinny guys. So in these situations that guy would never cheat because they are already fat. Bottom line don’t be so quick to condemn, you don’t know what’s going on in that house.

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    1. And that’s the point of the post. People were blaming her for his indiscretion because she gained weight. When people cheat, it’s never the fault of the spouse or partner. Shaming her because she gained weight is all kinds of wrong. Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé (allegedly) and the world considers her FINE.

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