But y’all mad at Molly

The season finale of Insecure has come and gone and I am already having withdrawals. As I pine for the next season, I can’t help but return to the “situationship” between Molly and Dro. Specifically, I am really amused at how people reacted to Molly’s response that Dro and his wife were expecting a baby. Although, Molly seems to have moved on with Andrew I thought I would try to take stab at explaining Molly’s emotional reaction to a guy that she knew was unavailable to her emotionally. 

If you are a fan of the show, you should know by now that Molly sees Dro  at Tiffany’s baby shower where she soon discovers that he and his wife are expecting a baby as well. Camera pan to Molly’s face and you can tell that she feels some type of way. She’s mad. Or, maybe she’s hurt. Or, maybe she’s thinking, “I knew better.” And that’s the reaction most people have. “Why is she mad? She knew what she was getting. Dro gave her the game from the beginning!”

Facts. But, let’s take a look at this dynamic a little further.

Personally, I am not shocked at Molly’s reaction. Nor am I shocked that earlier at the baby shower, and in a previous episode, Dro is pissed because Molly has decided to set boundaries with him. He is clearly angry. What I am truly shocked about is the judgement and condemnation that Molly is getting for developing feelings for her friend. Her lifelong, childhood friend. He is THE HOMIE. Judgement from show fans, men and women, and characters. In a later episode, Andrew snidely remarks, “So you mean a married man lead you on?” He playin’…but he ain’t playin’. My knee jerk reaction. Yes. He. Did! Like it happens. It’s a thing. Here’s why…

Let’s remember, even though Dro is married he approached Molly with the whole, “I’ve had a thing for since day one,” and the “my wife and I are in an open relationship” scenario. True, we all felt that Dro was lying, but Molly had no proof that he wasn’t telling the truth. So what did she do, she chose to trust her friend and decided, “Screw it. I’ma get me some too.” Not the smartest decision, but it is not illegal; and if Dro and Candace are really in an open marriage, there is nothing unethical about it. People do it. Most people I know don’t.  But hey, who am I to judge if they do?

So really, why are we mad at Molly? Dro is the one who initiated the relationship. Even though Molly knew the game, that doesn’t remove his culpability in starting a relationship with the potential to hurt his friend. The argument is consistently, “She should have known better.” I don’t necessarily disagree with that sentiment. Even when they started, I absolutly yelled at the TV, “NAW GIRL! DON”T DO IT!!!” Because I knew how things would end. Yes, Molly should have known better, but shouldn’t Dro have known better too? Shouldn’t he exercise as much judgment as Molly in deciding not to enter a relationship that is doomed from the start? If not more. He is the one that is married. 

Then when Molly decided to set some boundaries, Dro acts a damn fool. If you have never been in a “situationship” then let me explain. In order for you to protect your feelings, it is imperative that boundaries are set. You can’t behave like dude is boo or bae because when things go wrong, as they surely will, the potential for heartbreak is too great. Consequently, you have to set up some rules: 1.) Don’t call me all the time, unless we are smashing 2.) Call me before you come over 3.) I decide if you come over 4.) We aren’t dating we are just f____ …well you get my drift. Sounds harsh right? It is. It has to be. Why because dudes want you how and when they want you.  At least dudes like Dro. Men with integrity don’t do this because they don’t engage in this foolishness! Men like Dro want modern day concubines. They want to control the situation. They want to be able to do whatever, whenever, however they want. That works for them. But, not you. And not for Molly. Molly was simply keeping the lines clear. We are no longer friends. We smash! That’s it. And for men like Dro, it’s gravy when they say it, but they don’t quite like it when it’s the woman controlling the game. Ain’t no fun when the rabbit got the gun. 

So the issue is not just about her being hurt, or angry, or regretful. The issue is about control. Dro is no longer in control and no longer free do what he wants to, and with, Molly. So what happens? He has a temper tantrum. 

Now think, she’s hurt now; how much more would she have been hurt had she not pushed the pause button? Can we say devastated? 

And why are we so hard on women? Why isn’t that same ire directed at the person who started all of this. The man with a whole wife, and now a baby. The manipulating, control freak who is willing to ruin a lifelong friendship just to get some cookie?

Maybe some of the mistakes we make as women would be less devastating if we held men just as accountable for their poor choices as we do women. But we don’t. We gone let Dro and his light-skinned, 3B curly-haired self slide. Why because it’s easier to judge the Mollys than it is blame the Dro’s. 

My best friend  Michelle…Michelle Obama (she’s my friend in my head) said so beautifully, “We love our boys and we raise our girls. We raise them to be strong, and sometimes we take care not to hurt men. And I think we pay for that a little bit. It is powerful to have strong men but what does that strength mean? Does it mean respect? Does it mean responsibility? Does it mean compassion? Or are we protecting our men too much so that they feel a little entitled and a little, you know, self-righteous sometimes?” Isn’t Dro feeling a bit entitled to something that doesn’t belong to him? Molly’s right to set boundaries is her right and her’s alone. 

Here’s the point: Molly fell hard for her FRIEND. She was already emotionally invested. Having sex with him just deepened that connection. Dro, on the other, used their friendship to get what he wanted. In the words of my friend Cato, “Men aren’t friends with women they wouldn’t have sex with.” I don’t know if that’s true…as a matter of fact, I pray that it is NOT! Dro, however, certainly makes a case for it.

I’m not necessarily #teamMolly, but I certainly don’t judge her, and unless you have been in a situation like that, I suggest you don’t either. I don’t even judge Dro. Why? Because he is doing what the women in his life allow him to.

All I am saying is that if you are going to be mad at Molly, then you had better be blaming Dro.